may 26, 2026

At this point, I just can't put it off any longer. I had already made the decision that once I finished the bones of this website, that I would finally revisit my first rough novel, lovingly referred to as "the fox novel." I haven't even touched it since 2023, which is crazy. There's just something about reading my own writing that is kind of draining. I try to avoid it if at all possible, which is probably the worst thing a writer could do lol.

I don't think I can ever call myself a "good writer," but I can at least admit to myself that I have grown and learned a lot in the past three years. Both from the wonderful writing community I participate from and just from the different medias I have consumed. I wrote the fox novel with the intentions of making it a coming of age story for my 12 year old self to read. But I think I've really been able to find that I'm the happiest when writing anythin horror-related. So in my pursuit to edit or even rewrite this story, I will keep that in mind.

I am really excited but very overwhelmed. The current state of the fox novel is just chaos. So many loose ends, bad dialogue, plot holes. This is expected of a first draft, this I try to tell myself!! But trust me when I say that this thing is a mess!!! I update my progress bar yesterday for the fox novel. and it's sitting at 0% right now... ahhhH!!!

may 25, 2026

I nearly thought that this would never happen, but the website is complete!! Well, "complete" as in "all main pages are finished and there are currently no broken links." It feels really good to filter through all the pages and look at everything. I hope I can keep making it cooler and cooler as time goes on.

I just finished watching the movie First Reformed. For the longest time I didn't watch it, despite loving Ethan Hawke, because I had just put it into my watchlist thinking it was another religious horror movie, which I just haven't been in the mood for. But I gave it a chance and realized it wasn't what I thought it was at all. I cried a lot throughout the film and still have a lot of feelings about it. I can kind of see myself in Reverend Toller - not in a good way, of course, but in the way that he was so nihilistic, lost, and unnaccomplished. What can one man do to change the horrors of the Earth? Was it that he actually cared about the Earth, or was it just a way for him to finally latch onto a tangible belief, something to advocate for? After all, He is a creation of God himself, so shouldn't he treat his ailing body better too? Also made me think about how in times of despair, how dire the need is for human connection - even if it's just a silent bike ride with a loved one, or just listening to them talk. It is this that we can find joy. ANYWAY... lots of questions and thoughts that I have.

Let The Right One In by John Ajvide Lindqvist came in the mail yesterday! I started reading it before bed. It's set in a recently established Swedish town in the 1980's. The main character is a young boy named Oskar. Already, the tone is very dark and uncomfortable. So I'm proceding with caution. I wanted to read it because I had a lot of interest in the movie. So I thought it would be nice to read the book first- something I've been doing a lot recently. I just finished reading The Ruins by Scott Smith, and I really liked it. Hope to watch the movie soon!

may 18, 2026

My first journal entry! Hope this finds you well.

I have completed, I would say, about half of this website so far. When I first started, I didn't really have a clear vision of what it would look like or how it would turn out. But I'm really happy with the way it looks. I think it really feels like me - more so than any other place on the world wide web hehe. At first I was drowning in the sea of coding HTML and CSS, and I literally had no idea what I was doing. My Google search history is crazy now.

Though I did used to edit the HTML for my Neopets profile... that was so fun. I remember searching for the glitteriest prettiest gifs I could. I also remember having a background of a stretched image and a kitten and a puppy cuddling. Oh and 'sugar we're goin down' by Fallout Boy playing. Hey, shout out to my parents for the unfettered internet access since I was six years old. We were all a lot more innocent then. I have such a painful sting of nostalgia for those days of just surfin' the web. Bring back random forums too ya'll. I used to play on this website called gosupermodel.com (yeah, I just looked and it's still running holy moly.), and there was this forum where a girl posted her original drama fiction of a girl becoming pregnant at 16. She would update it nearly every day. Boy did I spend HOURS reading this fic, sifting through the comments to get to OP's story updates. Sigh... if only I had known about AO3 then... Actually no it's a good thing I didn't know about AO3 then.

Anyway.. so now I have the ability to create any gif or png I want?!?! within my artistic means, of course... but still - I'm having a lot of fun with this!! I like that I can make a special little place outside of instagram or facebook, both of which I have been distancing myself from more and more as the years go on. Maybe that's just me getting older, or just that I am becoming a hermit. IDK!!

Hope to make some more journal entries sooooon! :)